(no subject)

Life is strange.

From a surprise ... okay, not so much a surprise - we had to tell so they'd come ... 50th birthday party for two people to a funeral the next day.

*sigh*

I hate funerals. Even if I've only been to two of them so far in my life. I am guessing that nobody really likes them.

But does anyone know what makes them easier to deal with?

Farfle, Farfle, Pipik.

Well, it was a surreal day. I ended up chatting with Flashfire for a couple of hours last night. Which is good, cause I couldn't sleep for the longest time. Thanks, Flashy ... I needed that.

Woke up a little later than usual, but it's okay. That's what weekends are for. I was in an odd mood most of the day. I got myself together, and went to pick up Ashendari. We also found Ariel (Akesteven) and went off to the visitation and funeral. Got caught in traffic, which I suppose was only to be expected.

Got to the funeral home, with not much time to spare. I expect my subconscious really didn't want to get there any sooner. It seems still pretty fresh when I was in the funeral home for the entire visitation period with my Grandmother, even if it was in November.

There were a lot of my friends there, and more importantly, a lot of Markus' friends and family. He meant a lot to a lot of people. He was one of the goofiest, friendliest, sweetest men I know. And I'll miss him. Maybe not as much as some people - and oh, how I sympathize with them - but I will miss him. I am richer for having known him, and poorer that he's so suddenly gone. I had to go see, just to believe that it's real.

It was a lovely service, and the poignancy made me cry. It made a lot of us cry.

The reception line made me cry again too, since Fursto was crying when I got to her. I had to get out of there - it was beginning to make me claustrophobic, and I just couldn't handle people. Though I managed to make it all the way to the end. Then I walked a bit away from everyone for a few minutes, regrouping. Catching my breath. Making myself stop crying. It's funny how I could almost keep from crying, until someone asked if I was okay, or gave me a hug. It makes me mad at myself, that I can't keep from crying sometimes. I'm such a wuss.

After it was over, I think about 50 of us went back to Ardchreag's stomping grounds. We went to the pub that our SCA canton usually goes to after meetings. It was surreal to see the SCA garb juxtaposed with the mundane clothing. Somber. It was good to see so many friends and acquaintances. We spent the time there talking and remembering Markus. What he was like. The good times we had. The joy he brought.

I'm glad I went.

Eventually, I found I couldn't focus any more. I got peopled out, I suppose. And I collected Alery, Ashendari, and Ariel. (gotta love the similar names, no?) Home.

And once here, I took a nap. I spent the first bit, just lying in bed, staring at my ceiling, listening painfully to all the sounds. The next door neighbours were playing badminton in their backyard. It was a joyful sound of laughter and play. But right then, it kept me awake. It kept me thinking. Sleep was slow to come, and now it's just as elusive in leaving.

I do feel better now. More at peace.

But I'm still sad...