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Jun. 3rd, 2002 07:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sinjunNot much to say. S'posed to be more storms tonight. Bad for the head. Everything is fine though... and RP is fun. My alts live in soap operas... so do most others - I just post about it. *grins* Enough said.
* After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed
all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three
times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied,
"That priest said he wanted us brought up in a good Catholic home, and I
wanted to stay with you guys."
****************************************************************
The Sunday School Teacher asked, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly, do
you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," Johnny
replies, "I don't have to.My Mom is a good cook.
****************************************************************
A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way
to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One
bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
****************************************************************
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons,Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The
boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw
the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would
say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to
his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
****************************************************************
A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old
son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a
seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son
asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The
boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
****************************************************************
After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow
up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor
replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're
one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."
****************************************************************
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to
their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the
blessing?"
I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear
Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed
her head and said, "Lord,
why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
****************************************************************
My co-worker's 3-year-old son, Reese: "Our
Father, Who does art in
heaven, Howard is His name." " Amen"
****************************************************************
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the
aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing
the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went,
steps,
step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can
imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he
reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and
said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
****************************************************************
One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during
the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some
sense
of order in the pew, but were losing the battle. Finally, the father
picked
the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just
before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little
one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me!" "Pray for me!"
****************************************************************
And one particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash
baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
****************************************************************
A little boy was over heard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a
better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
****************************************************************
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination,
l ooking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the
Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely.
It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got
there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice
he
answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"
****************************************************************
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he
preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he
went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly
tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a
little
girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets
loose, will he hurt us?"
****************************************************************
Six-year old Angie, and her four-year old brother,
Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out
loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out
loud in
church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the
back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers."
*****************************************************************
My grandson was visiting one day when he said, "Grandma, do you know
how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo, while I asked,
"No,
how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
*****************************************************************
A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming
quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her
grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother
of Jesus? The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
*****************************************************************
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were
ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her
what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall,and
quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
*****************************************************************
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's
prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the
lines
from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I
listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the
end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver
us some E-mail. Amen
* After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed
all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three
times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied,
"That priest said he wanted us brought up in a good Catholic home, and I
wanted to stay with you guys."
****************************************************************
The Sunday School Teacher asked, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly, do
you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," Johnny
replies, "I don't have to.My Mom is a good cook.
****************************************************************
A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way
to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One
bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
****************************************************************
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons,Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The
boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw
the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would
say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to
his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
****************************************************************
A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old
son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a
seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son
asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The
boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
****************************************************************
After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow
up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor
replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're
one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."
****************************************************************
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to
their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the
blessing?"
I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear
Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed
her head and said, "Lord,
why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
****************************************************************
My co-worker's 3-year-old son, Reese: "Our
Father, Who does art in
heaven, Howard is His name." " Amen"
****************************************************************
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the
aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing
the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went,
steps,
step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can
imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he
reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and
said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
****************************************************************
One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during
the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some
sense
of order in the pew, but were losing the battle. Finally, the father
picked
the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just
before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little
one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me!" "Pray for me!"
****************************************************************
And one particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash
baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
****************************************************************
A little boy was over heard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a
better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
****************************************************************
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination,
l ooking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the
Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely.
It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got
there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice
he
answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"
****************************************************************
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he
preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he
went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly
tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a
little
girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets
loose, will he hurt us?"
****************************************************************
Six-year old Angie, and her four-year old brother,
Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out
loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out
loud in
church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the
back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers."
*****************************************************************
My grandson was visiting one day when he said, "Grandma, do you know
how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo, while I asked,
"No,
how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
*****************************************************************
A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming
quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her
grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother
of Jesus? The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
*****************************************************************
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were
ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her
what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall,and
quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
*****************************************************************
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's
prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the
lines
from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I
listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the
end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver
us some E-mail. Amen
