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Today's Deep Thoughts
May. 1st, 2003 05:18 pmIf you can call them that.
We needed the rain we got, so I'm glad for that. But it still hurts my head. (Ow! I hit my head!) Work is still super busy, but I did get my car's oil changed, tires rotated, and breaks cleaned or something. Whatever they do for brakes so they don't break. Somehow, I thought it was important. That does mean I shall be at work until 6 tonight, so as to make up the time.
Of course since it's already PM, that won't be a problem.
( RP )
Okay, it's now after 5, and I haven't been able to post this yet, because I'm not finished really. Work keeps inconveniently getting in the way. But that's the story of my life. I could do so many things, if not for work. *chuckles softly*
In a course I was in once, they kept repeating "We always have enough time, energy and resources to do the things that are truly important to us." It's an interesting philosophy, because it says a lot about the things that I don't do, because I say I don't have the time, I don't have the money, I don't have the energy. I think about it occasionally, because it reminds me that I do prioritize things, and sometimes, even still, I make excuses for how I've prioritized. Sometimes that means that feel guilty for prioritizing something lower than other people would prefer me to. And I am not brave or strong enough to just admit that. But sometimes it means I'm frightened to do whatever it is - write a short story, teach a juggling class, write a novel - and so I come up with excuses that people accept, and I placate myself with them.
How to get out of this cycle? The only way I know is to identify these instances and do something about them. One at a time. It might be just something small, but still, that's a step in the right direction for me. (And you, gentle readers, are not in any way, shape, or form implicated here. If you find some grain of wisdom, then I am glad. If not, then that too is as it should be. My thoughts here are entirely focused on me, though of course, there may be glimmerings in there that strike a chord in your own being. That is not intentional.)
The end result? As usual, I have no conclusion. This is an ongoing project that I like to call life. It's something that I keep finding myself doing, though not usually on the same topic twice. Priorities change, and so too do my guilt levels, as time passes, and I grow, learn, backslide, forget, and change.
We needed the rain we got, so I'm glad for that. But it still hurts my head. (Ow! I hit my head!) Work is still super busy, but I did get my car's oil changed, tires rotated, and breaks cleaned or something. Whatever they do for brakes so they don't break. Somehow, I thought it was important. That does mean I shall be at work until 6 tonight, so as to make up the time.
Of course since it's already PM, that won't be a problem.
( RP )
Okay, it's now after 5, and I haven't been able to post this yet, because I'm not finished really. Work keeps inconveniently getting in the way. But that's the story of my life. I could do so many things, if not for work. *chuckles softly*
In a course I was in once, they kept repeating "We always have enough time, energy and resources to do the things that are truly important to us." It's an interesting philosophy, because it says a lot about the things that I don't do, because I say I don't have the time, I don't have the money, I don't have the energy. I think about it occasionally, because it reminds me that I do prioritize things, and sometimes, even still, I make excuses for how I've prioritized. Sometimes that means that feel guilty for prioritizing something lower than other people would prefer me to. And I am not brave or strong enough to just admit that. But sometimes it means I'm frightened to do whatever it is - write a short story, teach a juggling class, write a novel - and so I come up with excuses that people accept, and I placate myself with them.
How to get out of this cycle? The only way I know is to identify these instances and do something about them. One at a time. It might be just something small, but still, that's a step in the right direction for me. (And you, gentle readers, are not in any way, shape, or form implicated here. If you find some grain of wisdom, then I am glad. If not, then that too is as it should be. My thoughts here are entirely focused on me, though of course, there may be glimmerings in there that strike a chord in your own being. That is not intentional.)
The end result? As usual, I have no conclusion. This is an ongoing project that I like to call life. It's something that I keep finding myself doing, though not usually on the same topic twice. Priorities change, and so too do my guilt levels, as time passes, and I grow, learn, backslide, forget, and change.
